31 days of bipolar|day 3: you thought that you had known me…

…but I wish that you had only known just what was wrong with me long before you did.

Today, I turn to Steven Page, and an album I’ve been avoiding listening to for nearly a year.

Surprise Surprise is a song off of his newest album, Heal Thyself Pt. 1: Instinct, the first half of a double album, with the second to be released at some point between this year and eventually.. I’ve been hesitant to listen to it since last March because a friend had told me that it would likely hit way too close to home. This song came up on my iPhone on my way home this evening, so I sucked it up and started to listen to the album. Big mistake.

I didn’t make it too far in before turning into a pile of emotional on the train.

Steven Page has been one of my biggest influences musically for most of my life. He has this way as a lyricist and musician where he could take the most depressing text and turn it into the happiest tune on the freaking planet, without losing the feeling of the lyrics. His open struggles with bipolar disorder and addiction have gotten me through a lot of bullshit over the years…

So my friend was right — what I’ve listened to so far has hit too hard and too heavy for a Saturday night. This album is a musician trying to find his voice again, regardless of mental illness and addiction. In his honesty, there is hope.

 

Tonight’s prompt is about coming to terms with life. I feel like this song is very fitting to this prompt.

 

How old were you at the onset? How old were you at diagnosis? How were you given the diagnosis and are you satisfied with the way it was handled?

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31 days of bipolar|day 2: … but all my memories…

…only take away from me any hope I’ll be happy in the end.

Today’s lyrics come from Haven, by an awesome band called Enter the Haggis. They’re a Celtic-ish/whatever-the-hell-they-feel-like-playing band from Canada-ish that I’ve been following for longer that I haven’t, so check them out! (I say “-ish”, because they have a US citizen and also some recent Philly in their ranks.)

This song fits into today’s prompt, and it’s one of my favorites in their repretoire.

What is your baseline mood/state? How does that impact your life?

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31 days of bipolar

So, due to moving around a lot, my credit card hasn’t consistently matched where I live.. nor has it completely matched any services I use, including domain hosting, which caused a majority of my blog to end up in the asshole of the interwebz. Super sucktastic… hopefully, this housing will stick for at least a year and I don’t have to worry about everything centered on having a steady address.

As I’ve been returning to writing, I return to a meme that I gave a half-assed go at about a year ago and never finished due to life happening. The purpose is, via a prompt per day, to document my life as a transgender man living with bipolar disorder. There aren’t many accounts on the intertubes of guys like me. I generally tend to be an advocate for others, but rarely for myself. The other motive of this meme is to force me out of my comfort zone, and to advocate for myself.

The rules, as outlined by Blahpolar are simple:

1. Do whatever you like, or don’t.
2. Do it over 31 days or any other number of days, or not at all.
3. Answer as briefly or fulsomely as you wish.
4. Do the hokey pokey. Because that’s what it’s all about. (Or not.)
continue reading.